Thinking...

Have you ever thought about so many things at once that you dont even know what thoughts are real and what thoughts are dreams and wishes? Thats how I am right now and it sucks. Really bad. Im thinking about the problems Im having with my boyfriend, what school is going to be like this year, what Im going to do about things at school and with friends and family. Im thinking about how I feel about how my BF frenched me a few weeks ago and how it was my first french. Im thinking about how things have gone so wrong this summer and how it all needs to stop and get fixed. Im thinking about Prince Charming and Love-Okay, maybe those are just dreams and wishes. Im thinking about so many things. Everthing has gone wrong this summer. I just wish I could fix it all... But I think-hah- Ive come to the conclusion that the biggest and most important thing Im thinking about-t tget the hah now? hee hee- is that I need to be me this school year. Not the 'me' I was last year or the 'me' I think Im pretending to be right now. I need to be ME. The real me. The smart me who stresses over stupid things that could have been prevented have I not procrastinated in the first place. The me that really, REALLY likes this guy that shes dating and wishes he knew how exactly how much I really like him. The me who is mostly care-free and doesnt mess with the things Im messing with. The me who stands up for herself and doesnt let other people walk all over her. The me who doesnt have to try to live up to the wrong peoples expectations or needs to try to be with the 'In' crowd because that me knows that she always has the special people in her life that like her for her and not what she has turned in to because those special people, however few there are, are the people who really matter. I need to be Just Me...

Wow... I think I just figured out How to Survive 8th Grade. Im going to be ME. If people don't like that then they dont matter. Even if I am left completely alone, even if I lose my BF who I really, really like and think I might be in Love with, I have to be ME. Thats it....wow. This Post, however random and babling and crazy and nonsense it seems, has helped me a lot. Ha. Who knew just rambling could solve such a big problem? Now I just hope that I can remember that and not forget it or think its wrong and try t o change again.....