I want a boy who...

I want a boy who:

likes me for ME, not what I look like.

will show me off in front of his friends WITHOUT getting all touchy.

Not go over board with PDA, holding my hand or a small hug is fine, NOTHING else.

Tell me that Im special when I feel insecure.

will put me before their friends when I need them too.

will not ignore me.

will at least try to understand me.

will tell me when they're upset and will let me help try to fix it.

will NOT talk to MY friends or MY MOTHER about things before me.

will NOT talk to my mother about the relationship.

will not take advice from my mother about the relationship. it never works.

will NOT talk to me about wanting to have sex with me! I mean really, EW!

will NOT talk to ANYONE about wanting to have sex with me.

wants more out of dating me than sex.

won't stalk me.

does'nt want to constantly kiss.

won't make fun of my shortness or small hands. (it makes me sad)

won't talk about how 'hot' other girls are in front of me. Celebrities are OK but people I actually know, NO.

will be themselves around me.

won't be a complete jerk when we break up. try to be my friend. i still like you but only as a friend.

won't be pushy about anything.

won't lie to me about anything important.

will listen when I say "you don't wanna know." You seriously DON'T want to know.

doesn't think they're 'all that.'

will NOT put pictures of naked girls on their cell phones next to pictures of me.

Jr.High Drama. (:

Okay. So we all know that in Jr.High there's a ton of drama but I think this one chick in my class just over does it. She was supposed to be one of my friends but as of last weekend that all changed. I was at a Superbowl part with my Youth Group and my Besties came over and were like "OMG! Sierra's BI!" So I automatically freak out with them and make them explain. Apparently this person told one of the 7th grade boys that she is bisexual, and I have no problem with people like that, so I was just like wow! Then I went and told two of my other Besties and they freaked and were like "Eew! That's gross!" And, just to add to this mixture, I find out that my ex BF (we've been over for like a week) who was also at this party, asked this person out. So this is where the drama comes in. I'm sorry, but for one of my exes to ask out a bi, even though she is(was) one of my friends, really grosses me out and when I found this out I swear I almost barfed. :* So on Monday when I got to school I find the too all touchy and flirty and it's just disgusting! She said that she didn't say yes to him but as of today I'm thinking otherwise. At lunch they were talking about going out some where this weekend and I was like *gag. So I went and was talking to one of my 7th grade Besties and we both had to pee really bad (ha. sry.) so we went into the bathroom and found this girl and one of her friends in there and I started talking to my Bestie and was like "So I was talking to my mom yesterday about the whole 'Bi' thing and she laughed and was like I always knew there was something about that girl" and this girl just stormed out of the bathroom and the other girl was like "You know you just pissed Sierra off really bad" and my friend and I started laughing and walked out to find that she had run off to cry to my ex about it and tell everyone that shes "gunna beat the shit" outta me and my ex is, of course, on here side and now hes even worse on this whole being an ass thing that hes doing towards me. None of it really bugs me, well besides the fact that my ex is dating a Bisexual that's in denial, so I'm just laughing at it all. But I do think that this girl blew it all out of the bubble. It's really no big deal if she's Bi or anything and she shouldn't deny it and get all upset about other people knowing and talking about it when she's the one who was telling people in the first place. And she knew it would get spread, I mean we live in a town of less than 1,000, everyone knows every little thing about everyone. So she needs to just chill. But while she's trying to start something out of this and attempt to beat the crap out of me (no chance in heck of that happening) my friends and I are just gunna sit back and enjoy her little hissy fit. Gosh, Jr. High drama. (:

Thinking...

Have you ever thought about so many things at once that you dont even know what thoughts are real and what thoughts are dreams and wishes? Thats how I am right now and it sucks. Really bad. Im thinking about the problems Im having with my boyfriend, what school is going to be like this year, what Im going to do about things at school and with friends and family. Im thinking about how I feel about how my BF frenched me a few weeks ago and how it was my first french. Im thinking about how things have gone so wrong this summer and how it all needs to stop and get fixed. Im thinking about Prince Charming and Love-Okay, maybe those are just dreams and wishes. Im thinking about so many things. Everthing has gone wrong this summer. I just wish I could fix it all... But I think-hah- Ive come to the conclusion that the biggest and most important thing Im thinking about-t tget the hah now? hee hee- is that I need to be me this school year. Not the 'me' I was last year or the 'me' I think Im pretending to be right now. I need to be ME. The real me. The smart me who stresses over stupid things that could have been prevented have I not procrastinated in the first place. The me that really, REALLY likes this guy that shes dating and wishes he knew how exactly how much I really like him. The me who is mostly care-free and doesnt mess with the things Im messing with. The me who stands up for herself and doesnt let other people walk all over her. The me who doesnt have to try to live up to the wrong peoples expectations or needs to try to be with the 'In' crowd because that me knows that she always has the special people in her life that like her for her and not what she has turned in to because those special people, however few there are, are the people who really matter. I need to be Just Me...

Wow... I think I just figured out How to Survive 8th Grade. Im going to be ME. If people don't like that then they dont matter. Even if I am left completely alone, even if I lose my BF who I really, really like and think I might be in Love with, I have to be ME. Thats it....wow. This Post, however random and babling and crazy and nonsense it seems, has helped me a lot. Ha. Who knew just rambling could solve such a big problem? Now I just hope that I can remember that and not forget it or think its wrong and try t o change again.....

Ugh.

I hate babysitting! Well not all babysitting. But these kids yes! My little brother isn't so bad but the two girls...Gah! They drive me insane most of the time! The youngest girl is like 1 and the older is 8. The older one is just so bossy. She trys to tell the younger kiddos what to do and it just gets on my nerves. If I try to tell her to stop or anything she'll tell her 'rentals and then I'll get in trouble by not only her 'rents but my moms husband too. 'Cause the girls' mom is his sister. So I'm at a loss there because I really don't want to get in any trouble. The younger girl isn't so bad though. Besides that she cries a lot and is behind on talking. So that's why I hate babysitting them. The other kiddos that I normally babysit are so much better though! The youngest of the others is a boy and he is 1 and the oldest is a girl and she's like 5. They are both super great kiddos though. They don't give me any trouble and they actually like me babysitting them. I wish it was them I was babysitting tonight but it's not. Sadly. And to make this day even worse, I didn't get to sleep until 6 in the morning and then I didn't wake up until 3pm. So I didn't get a lot of time to prepare myself to handle the brats before they got here. Also, my stupid dads girl friend had their kid today. Its a little boy. And it kinda bugs me. He and my mom have been split for about 9 years now. In that large amount of time he has decided to pay Child Support twice. The only time he even paid it the second time is because he was sent to jail over it. Yes. Jail. Ha. But the thing is that when he was with my mom he didn't help take care of me. He was never even home. He was always gone and my mom had to work 3 different jobs just to take care of me and my older brothers and sisters. Who aren't even her kids! They're his and some other chicks. So while he was off doing who knows what my mom was working her butt off trying to take care of 5 kids, 4 of which aren't even hers biologically. So he has never in my entire life even attempted to help take care of me unless he was forced to. But now, he has a new family. His girlfriend, her kid from some other random guy, and now their new kid. I don't get how he can take care of them but not even help take care of me. He hardly even talks to me anymore. He has never really been a dad. To me or his other 5+ kids. He even has kids from random one night stands that he's had when he's gotten drunk. It just really bugs me that he cant be a father to me but he can start a whole new family and give them whatever they want. But anyways, his girlfriend had their new kid today and that made this day way worse than it was already going to be. It has just been a super sucky day and I hate it. I wish I could just skip the rest of it and go to some other day that will actually be a good day...